Don't have standards: It's easier that way.

Yes, I said it... Life is so much easier when you don't have standards.  You don't have to worry about anything.. you can just live life to the fullest. That's what everyone wants, right?

Wrong.

Too whom much is given, much is required. Almost everything we encounter has standards, that must be upheld for the greater good.

-Your car must meet the standards of inspection, in order to be eligible for the road.
-You must uphold a standard gpa in school, in order to be eligible for grade promotion.
-You must uphold a standard of behavior in public places, as to not be banned indefinately or asked to leave temporarily.

I could go on and on... but why does everything have a standard, except for who we date?

Why is it that one of the most important decisions in life you'll ever make - who you'll spend the rest of your life with, who will parent your children, who will represent you when your not around - is put on the back burner?

Why is it that our standards for love run along the lines of.. How does he/she look? Where does he/she work? What does he/she drive? Where does he/she live? -- now let's be clear, everyone wants someone that they are attracted to, someone who can spoil them and shower them with "just thinking about you" gifts, someone that can walk into a room and make everyone else jealous... but not you, because it's all yours. Yea, that's cute..but is that all?

Question's you might have forgotten about:
How is their temper? How about their soul? How did they grow up and how do their childhood experiences affect who they are today? Do they have children? If so, what kind of parent are they? ... Would you be happy to have them as the parent of your child if it didn't work out?  How do they talk about the opposite sex to you? If you make them mad, will they then talk about you like they talked about the others? What are their goals? Do they align with yours? Are you strong enough to help them meet those goals. Are you upgrading, or downgrading because you are lonely? How many red flags have you ignored, because it's just small things? (100 pennies make a dollar) - let it marinate.

I never realized how shallow I could be, until I really wanted serious companionship. I never realized what I would go through to get it, either.

Standards, rules and laws are put in place so that chaos will not outweigh order.

Having no standards is easier than having to date strategically and with purpose. But at what expense? Letting men and women run a muck in your life is stressful... When you set the bar high, those who don't meet it will soon fall by the wayside. And those who do, which should be very few, will have no problem working for the prize...YOU!

#getrealmovement #dontbebamboozled

Make Up Your Mind!

Ok...Men and Women, please make up your minds. Do you want to be in a relationship or not? Do you NEED to be in a relationship or not? IF you find yourself out of a relationship more than in one.. If you're in a different relationship every year, and THIS ONE is THE ONE every year.... If you feel it necessary to explain why you are not in your relationship on social media... If as soon as you break up with your partner you are on statuses and in inboxes selling yourself to someone else... my guess is, you don't NEED to be in a relationship.

(Transparent moment: this was me once. I just wanted companionship, so if i felt the feeling was mutual.. i would jump in, heart first)

Just because you didn't cheat does NOT make you a good boyfriend or girlfriend. Yay, one point for you. It's deeper than that... How's your attitude? How do you react when you don't get your way? Do you express yourself and your feelings positively or hold anger In until you explode? You buy him/her things, but do you listen? Do you sacrifice? (hint: if it's not hard to give up, its not a sacrifice)

Once you realize that you are the common denominator in all of your failed relationships.. maybe you'll see that the change needs to happen in you... not in everybody you pursue. I can almost bet, once you fix you... you won't go through the same cycles you're used to.

No secure woman wants a man that just bashed his ex on social media, or ever for that matter, and is now looking for companionship. No secure man wants a woman who is always hollering that she doesn't need a man and then crying because she's single.

Hurt people, hurt people. It's OK to admit that you're hurt, but it is not ok to look for a companion to cover up the hurt that you or someone else caused.

TIP: Anyone who sees how unstable you are and still wants to be with you, is also unstable. That is not them "holding you down"  that's you both being unstable together. People who are stable, recognize their value and what they bring to the table..and they will not diminish their value by connecting with someone who doesn't realize the same.

#getrealmovement #dontbebamboozled it's OK to be alone.. don't be scared of that. Being double minded is far worse.

Haphazard's, Stray's and Random's!

Ok, ladies and gents...

First, let's talk about the definition of 

-- Haphazard's, Stray's and Random's: Lacking a definite plan, purpose or pattern. Made, done, happening, or chosen without method or conscious decision.

I had to ask myself... What in my life is random? And while I came up with a nice list, One thing in particular stood out to me... MEN.

Yes, I said men. I have Random's. Random men/women are people that you KNOW will never be beneficial to your life. Friends and Random's are different. Let's be clear.

I hear women and men alike, including myself, say all the time.... "I want to be in a fulfilling relationship" .. "I want to be married" ... Blah blah blah. But how in the world can that happen, if everything you do is sporadic, no consistency? Let's go further.. How can God do a great work in you, if you have a bunch of random people running in and out of your life, taking your focus off of Him? (I got deep there, I know)

How are Random's used: (these are only examples, and are not true in every case) Free Meals, Sex, Boredom Fixer - by way of text or call, outings, including but not limited to; movies, bowling.. I mean you get where I'm going here. 

Is there anything wrong with going out, OF COURSE NOT! The problem comes, when the motives are different. The problem also comes when you say you're looking for something that you know you'll never find in your Random's.

Now, cutting off Random's doesn't just mean YOUR Random's.. It is also referring to people who have made YOU their random.

1. IF he/she ONLY calls/texts you when they're bored, you're more than likely a random. You have no value to them when they're not bored... And if they're ALWAYS bored, then maybe they need to be getting a life instead of calling you.

2.  IF he/she ONLY calls/texts you when they're horny (oop, y'all weren't ready -- #thegetrealmovement) YES, we all have them.. The conversation usually starts with "what's up", "whatchu doin" and the word "chill," or it's equivalent, is usually in the mix. They may even ask you how your day was. These calls usually creep in at night, leading into the next day. Stop acting as if your confused or shocked, because you know what it is. They need to be cut off. Because ultimately, your letting someone else dictate your worth for you, and your going along with it. Do you really think that God will be molding your Adam, your Boaz, your Eve, your Ruth while your up under someone else's... I think not!

Side note: We all know that everything belongs to God.. But let me break it down... anything that God did not ordain in your life, DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU!! So, let me explain my statement, "....while you're up under someone else's" it does not mean that that person is in a relationship with someone else. They could actually be YOUR boyfriend/girlfriend, BUT.. If it isn't God-led.. God-centered... And God-ordained.. It isn't yours! And your sleeping with and loving on.. Someone else's ministry.. And vice versa.

3. IF he/she ONLY calls/texts you when they want to have conversations, but they're short with you when you initiate contact... I mean, do I really have to explain this... 

We all have to start looking for the signs!

Everyone that knows me, knows that one of my favorite scriptures to quote is, 1 Corinthians 14:33 "For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints."

God WILL NOT put you in a situation where you have to figure out your value. Your value is written all over His Word! Just the fact that you were made in His Image should give you enough confidence to get through your day. 

Our Random's, Haphazard's and Stray's serve no purpose in our life but to fulfill the areas and times in our life that are void. If everytime you feel a void, you call a random... How much time are you spending with God? Do you know that at the times you feel the loneliest and the lowest are some of the best times to commune with the Holy Spirit? At those times, your are most vulnerable to his Word!!!

Just to let you know, as long as your answering to your Random's and being someone else's Random... Your Adam will remain sleep. And sooner or later, he'll wake up, and it won't be you that he recognizes..  It'll be someone else.. And you'll still be in Randomville! Men, the Eve, that came from YOUR rib, will one day be recognized by another.. That's got to be painful.. But you'll still be in Randomville too... You probably won't even notice until you're done with the games. She'll be long gone!

Get it together!  Who do you want to be? What do you want to be?

TIPS:

1. Erase "random" phone numbers 

2. Erase "random" text message threads

3. Be honest with your random, if you must have the conversation

4. You don't owe explanations, you're grown

5. Don't be afraid to say NO, it works, if you stick to your guns

6. Your Random's, or one of your Random's may be a really nice person. Sweet and generous, but they're still a random.. And if they serve no purpose, then they are not needed in your life. You still have Cut it off!

7. Ask God for eyes to see!  So that you won't be bamboozled again

8. Y'all are gonna call me crazy.. But practice celibacy.. Even if you have to give yourself a timeframe.. In that time frame, commune with God, at the time you'd call a random... I promise, you'll start seeing people for who they are, EARLY!

9. Don't sell Yourself short!!! You're worth every penny of the price paid at Calvery!

10. YOU'RE MORE THAN A RANDOM!

Can someone install my shower rod?

    Mimi Faust Love and Hip Hop Atlanta Reality Star.. Has released the trailer to her sex tape, "Scandal in Atlanta" How impressive! There was a method behind her madness.. Of course, with the new season of Love and Hip Hop airing soon, you didn't think this was just a coincidence? Did you? Although my personal views of Mimi are not, and never have been, very good ones.. Those views are not the brunt of my frustration. It's US.. Yes US!

   Now I'm sure with the way this is going, one would think that I am about to defend Mimi, but I am not. I whole heartedly disagree with everything she's done, from the beginning of Love and Hip Hop and she has yet to surprise me.

The problem is that all these people, on social media are saying, "Mimi is grown, she can do what she wants!" .. "It's Mimi's child, why are you worried about it?" ...Now while these comments, and others like them, are true. It's still does not make what she did right.

Well, why do you say that Chelsi? - I'll tell you!

   -Everyday, from those same people who give statement like the ones above, I see a status about the girl, with children, who clubs 6 out of 7 days per week. I see a status about the girl who's a stripper and why would she want her kids to look up to that? I see a status about the dead beats of your communities. I see a status about how only God can judge me (which is so untrue, but that's a whole other blog) I see a status about tax money and how one should spend THEIR money, but no one wants to give a financial lesson any other time of the year.

Daily and displayed publicly, I see all these issues we have with people we know and people that we can "bully".. But praise goes to Mimi, because she's grown? Ok.

Love and Hip Hop is full of money hungry men and women who are ultimately broke, either because they've spent it, or because they really never had a lot of money, but because it's more than us "average folk" may have, then it accounts for something. Men who get paternity test on their children that their wives have birthed, but are in a hot tub with not one, not two, not three but FOUR women. Men who don't pay their child support. Women who are prostitutes, turned strippers, turned pop artist, turned faithful wife (anything is possible) Women with fake butts and boobs, women who have yet to wear their real hair, men who cheat and lie (did I say that already?) Women who would rather fight like stray dogs than to be real women and handle situations like only real women can and are supposed to. Popping bottles, throwing money, throwing drinks.

-and they somehow find a way to make it all look glamorous.

Even people who don't know what real glamour is, just want to be glamorous. To them, Love and Hip Hop, that's glamorous, that's prosperous. 

    Look at the way you dress.. YES YOU! You didn't just come up with that. You were inspired by something, you did not coin and put a patent on the outfit you are currently wearing.

    I feel for all our young women who don't know their worth, or the worth of their children, or the worth of a good man. That was me, once upon a time, and in many aspects I'm still working.

--Glamour- the exciting or attractive quality that makes people, or things, seem appealing or special--

-Glamour is those two jobs you work to make sure you have what you need and want.

-Glamour is school that you are working so hard to be done with.

-Glamour is your child or children being raised in a safe enviorment that they can grow and flourish in!

-Glamour is the man that loves you unconditionally.

-Glamour are those friends that will tell you the truth, even when you don't want to hear it.

-Glamour is this the thing that to the outside looks unattainable, but you wear it so well.

-Glamour is the man that will come over, put up your shower rod, and NOT ask you to hang from it when he's done...

-Glamour is showing the next women her worth, not throwing yours at her!

Will I be watching Love and Hip Hop Atlanta? Of course! That's my show.   And although I'm very disappointed in Mimi Faust.. I'm more disappointed in us and how we treat each other. Power is attainable, success is attainable, love is attainable... For EVERYONE that wants it.. GET IT TOGETHER!

The Single Mom Diary...

When I wake up in the morning, I can only imagine it going like this....

-I wake up looking like Beyonce just before she hits the stage....Flawless.  I gaze into the huge rock on my ring finger and thank God for this life. I roll over to my honey, the father of my child, kiss him gently on the cheek and whisper, "Rise and shine sunshine!" He obliges my request and our day begins. As he's getting our little one ready for school, daddy daughter time, I'm in the kitchen whipping up a southern home style breakfast for my family to enjoy. We pray, we feast. He heads to "The Office" and I tend to "school duty," Carpooling and PTA board meeting before heading to My office. Throughout the day we send sweet messages and "WOW, flowers!" I am so... 

--OK OK.. In a perfect world!

Single Parent - A single parent is a parent, not living with a spouse or partner, who has most of the day-to-day responsibilities in raising the child or children. A singleparent is usually considered the primary caregiver, meaning the parent the children have residency with the majority of the time.

I just wanted to set the record straight, a single parent is not JUST a parent whom doesn't have contact with the other parent, it is a parent who is not WITH the other parent. The father/mother does not have to be a "deadbeat" in order for you you be considered a single parent. This post is for single mothers and FATHERS!

- Now that that's cleared up...

As a single mother, you never get the perks of the girlfriend or the friends.. Unless he's trying to get back with you. So when the father of your child resorts to date another woman, you tend to compare yourself to that woman. Whether you think you're the better woman or you think she's the better woman.. You still compare.

--And this is where the resentment comes in...

When you need something like; "my car won't start, can you come scrape the ice off my windshield, I need you to put together the baby's bike..." Here, you have all these birds to kill, and no stones. 

Because if you ask, then of course people assume that you want to be with the father... They never assume that you just need the shelf put up, or the bookshelf put together. You walk on eggshells daily, as to not offend the "significant" other. But things have to get done, so you do them.  My grandparents,  have both been divorced and remarried, however, the relationships between the four of them are amazing to view. Friends! Out to dinner, let's talk about life,   We can sit beside each other at graduations and weddings. Our generation... We're not mature enough for that.

Now, I am strongly against single mothers/fathers breaking up happy or unhappy homes, whatever you sow, that you will also reap.. I do however believe in Mothers/Father's being responsible enough to take care of the home they created, then left.

It's so easy for one to hold down a residence, that only they reside in, or maybe have a roommate. It's easy for one to spend money that they do or don't have, because their responsibilities are limited.

 But it's hard to hold down a residence for two or more, alone. I was asked if I would be willing to have a roommate to help cover the cost of living..  NOPE, not with my child in the house, you never know people these days. If they're not a good fit for your children, they shouldn't be in your life. I was talking to a young man at work yesterday, who is married with two children and he says, "parents work around their children and their babysitters schedules." I had to "LOL," because that is so true! Moving on, it's not that it's hard to say no to those extra hours offered at work, you have to say no, because you probably don't have a sitter. It's hard to keep track of you and your kids doctor and dentist appointments. It's hard figuring out THE PERFECT school because they all never seem good enough for your child. It's hard going home at night and laying there with your baby while someone else is cuddled up to the third of what you thought was your threesome.

Life comes at you fast, and this is not a complaint, it's just LIFE. I admire all single mothers and fathers who make it a point to keep pushing past the issues you're facing.

I've come to find out that if I wasn't strong enough for it, I wouldn't have been given the task. The only concern I have at this point is, "The girlfriend and the friends, are they being good examples when they're around my child.." Nothing more, Nothing Less! That's what happens when you get to the "Been There, Done That, Done With That!" Stage.

We are quick to place blame on what isn't done and never give enouragement,  we never take into consideration that raising children may just be hard. It's easy, when you're not in the shoes of the condemned person, to make assumptions. It's easy to say what you would do, if it were you. It's easy to give advice, with no children. It's easy to have a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife that you love and loves you back, and to then speak negatively of the single parent who can't easily bounce back from a failed relationship, with a child involved. It's easy for friends to say, "if you need me call me," and never be there, because you really don't have to. It's easy to become upset with me because I can never go on a date with you.. I'm sorry, I have much bigger fish to fry. It's easy to talk instead of pray...

Single Parents.. If you didn't have a ring, the family you claim was NEVER yours to begin with. Be the very best parent you can be, starting today!! And things will fall into place. FINISH SCHOOL, START YOUR BUSINESS, BE FREE OF ALL YOUR INHIBITIONS... Having a child is a PLUS, not a minus!! How strong are you? You'll NEVER wake up like Beyonce... EVER! Let It Go, Move On, and be thankful for what you do have.

Lady and the Tramp!

  So this is my very first blog.. Raw start, huh? But I say, "No Foreplay", let's get down to business.

  I have come across many posts and had many conversations with people about the characteristics of a "Wife" and how being a Hoe, Whore, Slut, Hussy and Tramp will never be in that number.. And rightfully so. 

  The issue, however, comes when a man/woman has committed these Tramp-like offenses and resorts to belittle others who have done the same. You see them everywhere, usually quoting things like "You can't turn a Hoe into a Housewife" or "Check their HOEfax" .. Now, while these catch phrases are amusing at times, they're not true. Now I'm not referring to the "Side-Chick" right now, that's a whole other blog!

  Is it true that someone who made the choice to go down the wrong path can never make it in life?.. Is it true that a single mother cannot fulfill her purpose in life because she didn't do things "in order?"... Is it true that the person who graduated with honors in high-school can't flunk out of college? And is it true that someone who indulges in sexual activities with different partners can NEVER experience true love?

  Our society will lust over the images portrayed by Nicki, Kim, Amber, Miley, Madonna and more.. and If these established women were to cross our paths, most men won't even think about a "HOE-fax" and may even offer to be the Housewife.

  Now, men and women alike, you don't want to date a former Tramp, that is sooooooo your prerogative. But don't BE a former tramp, who belittles another Tramp or former Tramp and expect your "Hoe-Fax" to not also be pulled. You used to be the town hoe and changed, but won't date the town hoe who can change.. No no no.. You want Virgin Mary to pop up and love you for you.. 

  

Ladies and Gents:

If you've indulged in a promiscuous lifestyle, it's ok; but you must make the decision to change! Someone WILL love you past your faults.. God does, and He's willing to bestow so much love on to the man/woman HE sends, that they can't do anything but let it overflow onto you. Find out the reasons why you may have this issue, because it is an issue, and then work at fixing it and loving you more! The only explanation about your past that you must give is to the one who is willing to love you in spite of.. Forgive yourself and move on.